When Everyone Changes: Surviving The Constant Turnover In Foster Care

Jason: 00:00:01

As your turnover happens in your foster care journey, don't let it burn you out, wear you down. It's exhaust. Don't get me wrong, it's exhausting. I'm not gonna pretend like it's not exhausting. It's exhausting.

If you had good people and the good people never left, that would be perfect. Welcome to Dream Small, where we believe God does big things through the small and everyday faithfulness of his people. I'm Jason.

Whitney: 00:00:24

And I'm Whitney. We're a family of eight who's fostered, adopted, and stumbled our way through learning that small, everyday choices can change lives.

Jason: 00:00:34

In a world that tells you to chase big, we dare you to dream small.

Whitney: 00:00:38

Because you know what? It's not about chasing fame. It's about choosing faithfulness. Well, hey, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of the Dream Small podcast.

Hey, Jason.

Jason: 00:00:52

Hi, Whitney.

Whitney: 00:00:53

How are you?

Jason: 00:00:54

I'm good. How are you?

Whitney: 00:00:56

I'm fine. It's been a week.

Jason: 00:00:58

We just went and looked at a house that is just phenomenal. Like, it's. We couldn't have asked for more in a house.

And so Whitney's now going to be in her emotions and distracted because she really, really wants us.

Whitney: 00:01:08

No, it's fine. I mean, we haven't been actively looking.

Jason: 00:01:12

No.

Whitney: 00:01:13

But we've been very casually looking for that unicorn of a home.

Jason: 00:01:18

I don't think it's. That. It is a unicorn in some senses, but I think if God wants us to have a house, he'll give us one.

He'll not give us one, but, yeah, that'd be really cool. He'll provide one for us that fits perfect. Like, we go on vacation in five days, and he's like, oh, we gotta move quick. I'm like, I'm not doing that.

Right before we go on vacation. I don't want to stress about it.

If it's still in the market when we get home, we'll take it as a sign that maybe God wants us to do something about it.

Whitney: 00:01:41

Yeah.

Jason: 00:01:42

And you guys are going to start donating to the podcast if we move there.

Whitney: 00:01:44

I know, right? Like, we're a year in. When do we make money off of this thing?

Jason: 00:01:49

We don't ever make money off this thing.

Whitney: 00:01:52

I feel like at one point, either you gave the idea to our children or they came up with it that, like, our podcast would pretty much retire.

Jason: 00:02:00

I think I said, you can make money from podcasts. I think what was failed to realize it's, like, less than 1% of podcasts or something like that.

Whitney: 00:02:10

Yeah.

Jason: 00:02:11

Real quick, before we talk about what we're doing this week. What are you grateful for?

Whitney: 00:02:15

We had some beautiful weather last week, Honestly.

Jason: 00:02:17

So it was a weird week with weather. Do you want to hear what I'm saying? It was weird weather week.

Whitney: 00:02:22

No, I'm not done.

Jason: 00:02:23

Okay, go ahead.

Whitney: 00:02:26

I'm grateful for the fact that we got to spend so much time outside and in the sun and at the pool. I'm not talking about the time spent in the basement. I'm talking about the time spent outside in the sun during the day.

Now you can go ahead and add on your.

Jason: 00:02:42

It was a weird weather because it was beautiful. We've had really nice weather this spring. Really, really nice summer. It's not summer yet. Summer's mental.

Whitney: 00:02:49

Okay. Like 24 days away.

Jason: 00:02:51

It is days away. Wow. Yeah. During the day you guys will all be outside. And then at night, every night felt like there was thunderstorms. It was really awesome.

This week we finally got the baby to sleep through the night three nights in a row.

Whitney: 00:03:04

Yep.

Jason: 00:03:04

First night we had a tornado warning. We had to take everybody to the basement.

Whitney: 00:03:07

Yep.

Jason: 00:03:08

The second night, we lost power at like 2am and that caused apparently all of our children to awaken at 2am for no reason at all.

Whitney: 00:03:17

And we literally never lose power.

Jason: 00:03:18

We rarely use power.

Whitney: 00:03:19

Well, they all awoke because they, like, hear white noise or music in their rooms. And all of a sudden everything.

Jason: 00:03:25

It was really. It was really creepy with how quiet it was.

Whitney: 00:03:28

Yeah.

Jason: 00:03:29

And for the first time, I have lanterns and lights kind of around the house in certain spots. I was able to use it and look like.

Whitney: 00:03:36

And yet you turn on generator.

Jason: 00:03:38

No, I wasn't. Had we woken up, had no power. We would have. We would have.

Whitney: 00:03:45

So all that other things wake us up.

Jason: 00:03:48

What I'm grateful for is last night we had a normal night and he.

Whitney: 00:03:52

Slept through the night and he still slept.

Jason: 00:03:53

Yeah. He's a rock star.

Whitney: 00:03:54

So here's hoping we're on a track.

Jason: 00:03:57

Yes. He's also been snotty. He may or may not have gotten a little bit of penetrate before bed. Who knows why he's sleeping through the night.

It doesn't matter.

Whitney: 00:04:04

Let's just go with like, he's sleeping through the night.

Jason: 00:04:08

Yeah. Cool. What are we talking about today?

Whitney: 00:04:11

Well, in light of our recent life experiences, I think it's a great time to talk about the turnover of foster care. What did I call it earlier this week when I mentioned it? I thought I had a really good name for it.

Jason: 00:04:28

I don't remember.

Whitney: 00:04:29

Oh, I had Such a good name for it.

Jason: 00:04:32

But yeah, we're talking about the changing of the guard.

Whitney: 00:04:35

The constant changing of the guard.

Jason: 00:04:37

I wouldn't call it that because changing the card is actually really cool. This isn't really cool.

Whitney: 00:04:41

No, it's awful. But we're talking about. I thought it was also a cool idea.

Jason: 00:04:45

We're talking about how in foster care you are. Feels like you are constantly getting new people in new people you have finally gotten comfortable with and understand what's going on. Leave.

Because there's so many people. Turnover happens a lot. So we're going to talk about that today.

And the reason we're talking about that is we're kind of right in the middle of it and we've had a week, we'll call it when it comes to our foster care journey. Like there's absolutely been way worse weeks.

Whitney: 00:05:13

Yeah.

Jason: 00:05:14

But it's been an incredibly frustrating week when it comes to being a foster parent.

Whitney: 00:05:18

You know, I feel like the last couple months we've kind of been riding smooth. Not a lot of foster care drama. And this past week we're fostering real.

Jason: 00:05:30

Hard right now just to give. This is going to be. This is going to be a flyover quickly of the story our case manager with the agency with no longer with her agency.

Whitney: 00:05:43

So we.

Jason: 00:05:44

That was like our primary point of contact. She is no longer there and our.

Whitney: 00:05:48

Primary advocate for us and the child in our care.

Jason: 00:05:51

Yep. That agency is going through a lot of turnover and changes and leadership struggles and all the things.

So they don't really know their elbows from their behinds right now. So they're kind of just. I don't know what they're doing. We have a new DCS caseworker because one that's been with us for over two years. She moved on.

She was awesome. She moved on. And he's getting his feet wet and figuring out I think he's going to be fine.

I think although this week you and I both texted me, never responded and called the visit supervisor doesn't commit. So we have, we have not been communicated with by anybody involved in with our foster kiddos care Right. At all this past week.

Whitney: 00:06:36

And there's been a lot going on.

Jason: 00:06:37

And there's been a lot going on like missed visits, rescheduled visits and all this. And we have not been communicated with at all.

Whitney: 00:06:44

So just for example, there was supposed to be a visit on Monday. So Sunday I reached out to the.

Jason: 00:06:50

Visit super posted me there had been scheduled Monday.

Whitney: 00:06:55

Yes, I reached out to visit supervisor Sunday night, said, hey, Are we still on for tomorrow? And she. She said, I'll confirm with you tomorrow about Tuesday's visit. And I was like, what? Like, I. We. We do Mondays.

Jason: 00:07:08

We do Mondays.

Whitney: 00:07:09

And she's like, well, apparently now we're doing Tuesday, Wednesday. Mom spoke to the fc and that's what we're doing. I was like, okay, sounds fun. Just let me know what time all the things Monday night rolls around.

She says, mom confirmed the visit. Okay, so we're having Tuesday's visit. And then Tuesday rolls around. The pickup is at 8am so it's an early visit.

Jason: 00:07:32

Yeah.

Whitney: 00:07:33

And I'm supposed to be told by 7:15 if the visit is confirmed that day and is happening. And about 7:27,25, I messaged the visit supervisor, and I said, hey, we still good for today?

Because there's a history here of a very high likelihood of inconsistency. And so I messaged the supervisor, hey, are we still on for today? She said, yeah, I'm sitting outside moms right now. Okay, cool.

8:00, Pickup time rolls around. 8:15 Rolls around. I'm about to load up all the kids in the van to take Braden to therapy. 8:30 Rolls around, a message of his supervisor.

Like, hey, if you're not here by 8:30, we won't be here because I need to get my son to school and still don't hear anything. No pickup.

Jason: 00:08:20

Are you alive?

Whitney: 00:08:21

No one messages at all at, like, 9:30.

Jason: 00:08:24

Bueller, are you okay?

Whitney: 00:08:27

And at: 10:15

Jason: 00:08:31

Of course you're fine. I mean, to be honest, there's also a language barrier. English is our second language, so we're wondering how much I get to read.

Our visit supervisor is trying to do well by us, but she's overwhelmed by everything.

Whitney: 00:08:46

And I, I honestly, yes. She's a very sweet person. And I just think that there's. I don't know that she's the right person to hold accountability and boundaries.

Jason: 00:08:54

She's not. I don't think she's mean enough because she is so sweet. We need to go back to one of our old visit supervisors that she was.

Whitney: 00:09:00

She just didn't mess around. Right?

Jason: 00:09:02

She was.

Whitney: 00:09:03

She was great. So Tuesdays, as it never happened, all of that happened. Right. And then I don't have anyone in our corner advocating for us, anything.

I reached out to someone who should have been able to at least listen and follow up, maybe for. And to have our backs with the.

Jason: 00:09:22

Situation, help be supportive.

Whitney: 00:09:24

And I got. We'll talk about it tomorrow when I come to your house and visit you. So I was like, not helpful.

Jason: 00:09:30

That's worth. Our agency. Agencies are supposed to be an extra layer of support for foster parents.

Whitney: 00:09:35

Yeah.

Jason: 00:09:35

And our agency is not meaning that right now.

Whitney: 00:09:38

Not right now. They're in a season of change. Right.

Jason: 00:09:41

Yeah. Right. Into what we're doing.

Whitney: 00:09:43

That they. That it. It improves. In the moment when we needed it most, it wasn't there.

Jason: 00:09:52

The agency made poor decisions in terms of letting people go, but having no bodies to help cover what they were doing over the period of months. Multiple different people. So now there's a huge vacuum of need for. Nobody can fill.

Whitney: 00:10:07

At least in our perspective.

Jason: 00:10:09

Yeah. I don't.

Whitney: 00:10:10

We can't speak for.

Jason: 00:10:12

Of course. Everything's our perspective.

Whitney: 00:10:13

Yeah. So then Wednesday, we pretty much had a rinse and repeat because visits were supposed to be Tuesday and Wednesday. Right.

Visit happened Wednesday, happened again Wednesday. 8 O'. Clock. Pickup never happened at 8:20. I think I said, you are still here in. I met such. I said.

Said if he's not picked up by 8:25, the visit cannot happen today because we have today and we're leaving. I think it was literally 8:25 when she rolled up.

Jason: 00:10:43

We. I was leaving with D to take her to daycare while I was on the work.

Whitney: 00:10:47

Yeah. Yeah.

Jason: 00:10:47

We share that. To simply share.

Whitney: 00:10:50

Hold on. Oh, outside of all of that, you know how you.

You mentioned earlier that we had to hurt from the exam all week amidst all of this, and then apparently Wednesday afternoon he came home early for a visit because there was a team meeting that we knew nothing about.

Jason: 00:11:04

Oh, right. Yeah.

Whitney: 00:11:05

And that's fine. Foster parents don't have to be invited to these meetings.

Jason: 00:11:09

But makes sense because they're never around.

Whitney: 00:11:11

But the history of these pieces, we've literally been invited to everyone. So I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what's going on. I don't know why we weren't invited.

Quite frankly, I don't need to be invited because it's literally the exact same meeting every single time. And it's been that way for a long time.

Jason: 00:11:25

Yeah.

Whitney: 00:11:26

Multiple cases, multiple years. But the fact is we reached out multiple times to DCS to try and figure out, like, what's going on. What's the expectation with visits.

Can everyone please get on the same page? This lack of communication is not okay. And we've heard crickets, Cricket, nothing.

Jason: 00:11:45

We share all of that. To let you all know that our fellow foster parents. We've been doing this for eight years and we get still can suck for us, too, at times.

It can still be a really broken system. It can be. It feels at times like everybody's incompetent. Nobody cares. Nobody knows how to do their job.

And I'm going to encourage you to keep doing it anyway.

Whitney: 00:12:09

Yeah.

Jason: 00:12:10

Because that's not reality. Our feelings lie. People, when you ride emotions and feelings, they lie to you.

Whitney: 00:12:16

And people will always disappoint you.

Jason: 00:12:18

People always disappoint. Keep doing it anyway for the kids. So we want to go into a bit of a deep dive into the revolving door of foster care.

Whitney: 00:12:26

And I will say one more thing. I think in general, we need to remember that people have the best of intentions.

Jason: 00:12:35

That's in the notes.

Whitney: 00:12:36

Well, I'm just saying it now to piggyback off of what you just said. It's in the notes about people will disappoint you. But, like, we have to remember that they're human and they. I don't care.

Okay, I'll be done because. Go ahead, take over.

Jason: 00:12:51

So we're talking about revolving door foster care, and one of the reasons it feels like there's a big revolving door is all the humans involved with it.

Whitney: 00:12:59

Yeah, there's a lot of people.

Jason: 00:13:01

You have case managers, therapists, gals. More therapists, other case managers, CASAs. Who else we got here? Visit supervisors, licensing folks.

There's a lot of people involved with one kid in foster care and family.

Whitney: 00:13:16

If you're with an agency, the foster case manager.

Jason: 00:13:19

So there is a lot of people to turn over. And candidly, the world of foster care, people don't. Aren't. It's not sticky. People move around very quickly because it's.

Whitney: 00:13:28

The good people move up, the bad people leave. And some people just leave because they're.

Jason: 00:13:34

That's. And that's the only two. Like, I don't. There's not. I don't know if there's a lot of middle ground.

Whitney: 00:13:38

Well, she left and she would have been amazing to stay.

Jason: 00:13:41

Well, yeah, she was burnt out.

Whitney: 00:13:43

Yeah, she was burnt out.

Jason: 00:13:44

So burnout happens over the case managers. Even though we give them grief for being turd sometimes they're way overworked.

Whitney: 00:13:52

Oh, 1,000% incredibly overworked. That's the thing. And even, you know, on one hand, I'm really annoyed because it takes all of two seconds to return a text message.

On the other hand, I also get it because they have so many. Flames in the fire.

Jason: 00:14:14

What is that? Sticks in the fire.

Whitney: 00:14:16

Sticks in the fire. Hands in the pot.

Jason: 00:14:21

Good. That's our. That's Our coin guard for our podcast is Whitney's fubar Analogies and metaphors.

Whitney: 00:14:28

But you know what I'm trying to say.

Jason: 00:14:29

I do, yeah. I forget.

Whitney: 00:14:31

Is it chickens in the.

Jason: 00:14:33

It's something in the fire. Like, sticks in the fire. Like, it's supposed to be the metaphor of marshmallows in the fire, like flame. I don't know.

Whitney: 00:14:41

They have too much going on, so.

Jason: 00:14:42

They have too much going on. And to be honest, I try so hard. This case manager is brand new to us because our former one moved on.

And one of the first interactions with me is, hey, everybody, I want to get on the same page. The DCS dude told the judge something false in court, so, I mean, he might. But he came to the house and we had a really nice conversation.

He seems like he's going to be good, so I don't know. Anyway, we share all that. To say the turnover you feel that you experience, where it feels like you're constantly. It's real.

It is absolutely: 1000

That's still a lot of people.

Whitney: 00:15:29

It's not flames in the fire.

Jason: 00:15:31

It's. No, it's not flames in the fire. It's like you're going to say it and I'm going to look at it.

Whitney: 00:15:35

Flames in the fire is to see something as a heartbeat.

Jason: 00:15:39

No, it's like sticks in a fire.

Whitney: 00:15:41

Help.

Jason: 00:15:42

You can't even look it up.

Whitney: 00:15:43

What do I type?

Jason: 00:15:47

What's the expression? With something in the fire? What is the something in the fire?

Whitney: 00:15:52

Is. Is it the fire, though, or am I completely off?

Jason: 00:15:55

No, it's the fire. Cooks in the kitchen. There you go. That's one. No, that's not.

Whitney: 00:16:01

No, none of these work. Fire in the belly, burning desire, flames of passion. Playing with fire add fuel to the fire.

Jason: 00:16:08

Okay, we're done. Let's move it on. All right, so. So the turnover, you feel the roundabout of turnover is real. And why does turnover hurt us?

Why is it even a thing that pops on our radar? What do you think, Whitney?

Whitney: 00:16:26

Well, first of all, I'm going to.

Jason: 00:16:28

Look it up while you talk. I don't have my. Oh, yeah, my phone's recording. I don't have my phone.

Whitney: 00:16:32

Cute. You have a computer in front of you.

Jason: 00:16:34

Yeah.

Whitney: 00:16:35

First of all, it hurts because it's change. Change is hard. And, you know, as a foster family, you are. I feel like I'm not even talking to you right now.

Jason: 00:16:46

I'm listening.

Whitney: 00:16:47

As a foster family, you are letting so many people into your home, into your life, on truly a really, like, personal and intimate level. Like, they know everything about you. Right. Like, your home, whether you like it or not. Like, they come. They.

They're in it, they are a part of it, and your children know them.

Jason: 00:17:07

Irons in the fire.

Whitney: 00:17:08

Irons in the fire.

Jason: 00:17:09

Irons in the fire.

Whitney: 00:17:10

That's it, guys.

Jason: 00:17:11

How could you not find that?

Whitney: 00:17:12

Why didn't it come up? Google.

Jason: 00:17:14

What did you ask? That's why you should have used AI.

Whitney: 00:17:17

I said, what is a metaphor involving something in the fire?

Jason: 00:17:20

Oh, yeah.

Whitney: 00:17:22

Why didn't it say irons in the fire?

Jason: 00:17:24

I said, what is this saying when someone has a lot going on? So I used AI.

Whitney: 00:17:28

I asked, what, you lived in the.

Jason: 00:17:29

World, and then I said, is there something, like, blank in the fire? Yes. A lot of irons in the fire. There you go. Go, carry on.

Whitney: 00:17:37

Okay.

Jason: 00:17:38

You got a lot of irons in your brain right now. Come on.

Whitney: 00:17:41

I have irons on the fire all the time.

Jason: 00:17:43

Yes, you do. Go.

Whitney: 00:17:44

Come on. So there's the attachment issue. I mean. Yeah.

Like, even people that you don't love seeing, you get used to seeing them and, like, coming in your house and being a part of your family. Right. So there's that. There's the fact that these children need consistent people in their lives.

And when they don't have that, it's just you're starting at square one. You have a person leave the case, whether they've been on it for three months or three years.

A new person needs to come in and learn everything about that case.

Jason: 00:18:16

Right.

Whitney: 00:18:16

And sometimes it's a good thing, sometimes it's not a good thing.

But based on experience and speaking with other foster families, specifically, a new case manager comes in and they think they're going to somehow change the case.

Jason: 00:18:33

Everybody wants to be the hero of everything and fixes bio parents.

Whitney: 00:18:37

Yeah. And it's like, listen, I very much appreciate your desire to improve the situation for everyone involved.

And I've actually lived it for two, three years, and this is the pattern. Please, at least listen. It's Amazon.

Jason: 00:18:54

Okay?

Whitney: 00:18:55

Please, at least listen to what? I'm distracted now by Amazon Irons in the fire. Because I was gonna say, oh, the Amazon driver has a lot of irons in the fire.

Jason: 00:19:04

He definitely has a lot of iron. He might literally have irons in the fire.

Whitney: 00:19:08

They probably sell irons for the fire.

Jason: 00:19:09

When you have turnover with the kids, it sucks, because whoever's been experienced, like Whitney said, has been involved. They have lots of details in their brain they may not have ever written down on paper. You can't get everything on paper.

You can't get everything on report. They know the behavior of everybody involved. They know the nuance. You can't teach nuance of stuff you.

Whitney: 00:19:29

Only get when you have manipulative people involved. Like it's just another person to kind of like fall prey to, you know, like there's just so many factors that make it really hard.

Jason: 00:19:41

Typically it comes from a spot of well intentioned.

Whitney: 00:19:44

Oh, absolutely.

Jason: 00:19:45

Normally.

Whitney: 00:19:46

Absolutely, yes. And it just stinks.

Like if that new person is unwilling to learn the history or what has happened, at least from the standpoint of a foster parent, when you've had a very inconsistent biological parent, that could be really frustrating.

Jason: 00:20:02

Like for example, the bio parent of our current foster son didn't have a single visit in the month of May. Not one. We find out last weekend, like Whitney shared, oh, we're going to two visits a week. We're like, okay, this is not true.

She reaches out to the case manager and goes, yeah, mom reached out, asked, blah, blah, blah. We're going ahead and try to give her a chance to be two. And then she missed her first one.

Whitney: 00:20:27

Right.

Jason: 00:20:28

And for us it's very frustrating. Yeah, of course we've been around here. This is the bio mom of our two year old too. So we've been around the block with her.

There's a metaphor for you. We've seen all the patterns and we know what happens.

Whitney: 00:20:41

Right. And we actually have a lot of irons in the fire in terms of schedules.

Jason: 00:20:47

You're gonna use that a lot this.

Whitney: 00:20:48

Week that we need to keep. So this inconsistency directly impacts us a whole lot more than the other person involved. Right.

Jason: 00:20:57

And also the most important person it impacts is their son.

Whitney: 00:21:00

Yes.

Jason: 00:21:01

When it's not consistent, he gets off.

Whitney: 00:21:03

You can tell he misses sleep at night.

Jason: 00:21:06

He's the happiest baby we've had in this journey. But he still, when he has inconsistent visits, it throws him off.

Whitney: 00:21:11

Throws them off schedule. Throws them off like, okay, who's this now? What am I doing? Yeah, all the things.

Jason: 00:21:16

All the things.

So in your frustration with the system, with people coming in that think they know everything, they're going to solve the world with the frustration of your agency not serving you the way they should be and only asking you for paperwork.

Whitney: 00:21:34

When you're frustrated, that happened too.

Jason: 00:21:36

That happened with all the things. Here's one really thing that I'M going. I struggle with this a lot. So this is me, what I have to remind myself a lot. And I'm sharing with you.

Remember, they are people, too. They are image bearers of God, just like you and me. And we need to pause when we're frustrated and we're about to lose our cookies.

That's throwing out.

Whitney: 00:22:01

You're just, like, full of metaphors.

Jason: 00:22:02

I'm going to use as many metaphors.

Whitney: 00:22:04

As I can toss our cookies. Isn't toss your cookies, like throwing up?

Jason: 00:22:07

Yeah, for throwing up when you're going to lose your mind, when you're gonna crash your marbles, when you're gonna crash out.

Whitney: 00:22:12

Now you're, like, speaking 20, 26.

Jason: 00:22:14

They're people. All those people that have frustrated you. They're people. You don't know what the else they got going on.

Whitney: 00:22:19

Like Mariah's story. Assume from a few episodes.

Jason: 00:22:22

Assume positive intent.

Whitney: 00:22:24

Yeah.

Jason: 00:22:24

Okay. Which story from Mariah's?

Whitney: 00:22:27

Like, just what Mariah shared about being a caseworker. Like, you know, the fcm. That's why I said, like, I really try hard to have a lot of grace because I know that, like, they're dealing with a lot.

They could have literally just gone to a home where they were worried about showing up. And the baby being dead or the baby being dead. Shared.

Jason: 00:22:48

Could have just been almost assaulted, stalked.

Whitney: 00:22:50

By a mafia person. Right. Like, you know, that's what she shared.

Jason: 00:22:54

Not mafia. Cartel.

Whitney: 00:22:56

Isn't it the same thing?

Jason: 00:22:58

You know what? Bottom line, I guess they are pretty much the same thing. It's like the Mexican cartel and. Yeah, you're probably right.

Whitney: 00:23:05

Thank you.

Jason: 00:23:05

Well done.

Whitney: 00:23:06

I know.

Jason: 00:23:07

Remember, all these people in the system, Overwhelmed, under trained, overpaid.

Whitney: 00:23:12

All exhausted.

Jason: 00:23:14

Emotionally exhausted. Right. Both physically and emotionally.

Whitney: 00:23:19

Yeah. All the things.

Jason: 00:23:20

Yeah.

Whitney: 00:23:21

They're carrying. Impossible. They're asked to do impossible things.

Jason: 00:23:24

So much secondary trauma.

Whitney: 00:23:25

Yeah. And they're. Yeah. There's just not enough support for them.

Jason: 00:23:29

We haven't expressed.

Whitney: 00:23:30

Their caseloads are way too high.

Jason: 00:23:32

We have an expression in our house. I tell our kids when they're acting foolish that I'm going to throw them in the pond because we have a pond in our house.

Whitney: 00:23:38

There is not a pond in our house.

Jason: 00:23:40

Did I say behind our house?

Whitney: 00:23:41

You said in behind our house.

Jason: 00:23:43

Not in our house.

Whitney: 00:23:44

Direction.

Jason: 00:23:45

It did rain. Hopefully there's no ponds in our house. There used to be a pond on this table. And that's why we had to remodel our kitchen.

Whitney: 00:23:51

That was fun.

Jason: 00:23:52

Bathroom upstairs. Even though you may want to throw these People in the pond, take a deep breath, go for a walk, lead with grace.

That doesn't mean don't hold people accountable to what they're supposed to do, but lead with grace.

Whitney: 00:24:07

And that's my biggest challenge. And I think we both know that my biggest pet peeve is when people don't do their job.

Jason: 00:24:14

All right, Turnover is going to happen. Lead with grace. How can we survive the turnover?

What can we do, both preemptively and in the middle of it to survive all the turnover that happens in foster care? And you usually don't learn this until after one or two of these, and you're like, oh, so listen to us. Listen to ways to survive this.

Whitney: 00:24:36

One of the most important things, I think, is to keep documentation of everything and anything that you can think of.

Jason: 00:24:43

Pictures.

Whitney: 00:24:45

Yeah. But I mean, even just like. So it goes back historically. For example, I keep.

Now, I used to keep a written document that was really messy and in my own handwriting and just like chicken scratch everywhere of visits for each child. And when they happened, if they didn't happen, the time that they happened.

cs, probably the beginning of: 2020

Jason: 00:25:12

It's so much easier.

Whitney: 00:25:13

It's easier. You can provide data that way.

But going back, you know, to a former placement, I've since had caseworkers reach out and say, hey, did bio mom go to these appointments? Because she's saying she did, and I'm like, no, girl did not go to these appointments. And should they have that information already?

Yes, because it is not my job. That is the job of the supervisor that was supposed to be there with mom to say if it happened or not. The caseworker to follow up. It is not my job.

However, my job is to protect the safety and wellbeing of this child that's in our care. And if that. If that means me keeping track of all this information so that I could do that better, then that's what I'll do.

Jason: 00:25:56

And that's what I'll do.

Whitney: 00:25:57

Yeah. So I think just keeping track of things, you know, like, right now, you.

Jason: 00:26:01

Do a great job. Great job.

Whitney: 00:26:03

I could easily add him to this visit log and be like, here, dude. I don't know what the visit supervisor is telling you, but this is when he's gone to visit, right? And he can choose to believe it or not.

Jason: 00:26:12

Like, also one thing, kind of a side quest to keep in mind. Visit supervisors do not get paid unless there's a visit. So they're going to try their hardest to get.

Remember, they're not millionaires either, so they're not making tons of money. And they only make money if there's a visit. So they're going.

Whitney: 00:26:27

Such attention.

Jason: 00:26:28

Yeah, it feels like a. What's it called when you should. Like when court.

I don't know the word, like when people recuse themselves because like, oh, I can't be involved with this because I'm biased and I know I'm biased. Conflict of interest.

This feels like it's a conflict of interest for visit supervisors to decide if there's going to be visits or not when they get paid based on the visits happening or not. So, yeah, keep a written record.

Visits is the most important thing and I think the most obvious and most impactful thing you can do as a foster parent. You know, record the notes. Why didn't visit and ask direct questions to the visit supervisor. Why didn't the visit happen? Mom never confirmed. Okay.

And you write that in your log. Mom was sick, baby was sick. Right. There's reason visits don't happen that aren't because of bio. Parent kids get sick visits who just record all that.

Whitney: 00:27:18

I also think communicating through email as much as possible and including the entire team on it as much as possible is very fruitful. To make sure everyone's on the same.

Jason: 00:27:30

Page and write it down. Because a lot of times you think you verbally communicate something. Well, you think you do. You think it's received.

The person receiving the information receives it differently. Everybody was trying to do their best, but whatever was supposed to be communicated wasn't. When it's written down, you can go, hey, you wrote this.

Go. Got it. Right. Moving on. You know, doctor's visits, black eyes, all that kind of stuff you can record on your own little Google Doc.

Highly encourage you. Because then you can also, like Whitney said, hand it off.

Whitney: 00:28:05

Yeah, something that's really cool. Our pediatrician's office has a nurse on staff who is called the complex care coordinator.

And I know I'm only sharing this because I know it's not universal at all pediatric offices, but her job for children that have complex medical needs, see multiple doctors, all the things she creates a little packet that gives a full background of the child, their medical diagnoses, their providers, their medical history, everything going on, like names and numbers of every person to contact and it's put in this beautiful little package and something like that. Like, I have had that for multiple of our kids and foster children. That is so helpful.

Just to hand off to a new person because that literally shares everything. Right.

So even if as foster parents, not that you have, like, a zillion extra hours to do something like that, but create your own little, like, overview of Johnny. Right. Like just something.

Jason: 00:29:10

And I would say it's more important for kids as they get older. For babies, not so much. Right. You haven't figured out what sets them off or what.

Once you start, kids start developing their personality, I mean, there is a medical.

Whitney: 00:29:20

Passport that you're supposed to use as a foster parent that should follow a foster child, and you should be keeping some kind of an album or something that can pass along with them as well.

Jason: 00:29:31

Yeah. I mean, everything's digital now, right?

Whitney: 00:29:32

Yeah. Yeah.

Jason: 00:29:35

All right. What else we got? So just some quick reminders. Lead with Grace. I don't do that. You do. You do a good job.

Whitney: 00:29:44

I try.

Jason: 00:29:44

I try.

Whitney: 00:29:45

Some people wear me down.

Jason: 00:29:46

I mean, I tried the other night, day, with the visit supervisor. But you said after I quit. Done talking to her. She came to you and she was in tears. I don't think I was nice. I was direct, but I wasn't mean.

Whitney: 00:29:56

I was like, I don't know how good you did there.

Jason: 00:29:58

People tell me I'm so intimidated. I'm like, I'm not. Like, I'm a bear, but I'm blue. I'm a dancing bear. Like, I'm not scary.

Whitney: 00:30:04

They haven't seen your gorilla. Yeah.

Jason: 00:30:08

And when you're getting frustrated, making it about you, remember it's about the kiddo.

Whitney: 00:30:12

Yes. I think that's the biggest, most important reminder in nearly any scenario. Like, we need to remain child focused. Yeah. It needs to be about the child.

So many times it becomes about something else or someone else, and that's doing that child a disservice.

Jason: 00:30:32

It can feel at times like the system is not necessarily child focused. It can feel like the system is bio parent focused.

Whitney: 00:30:43

Yeah. I'd go as far to say it is bio parent focused. And it's not just a feeling. But, you know, tomato, tomato.

Jason: 00:30:50

Who am I to say whether you're right or wrong? Sure feels that way, though, sometimes.

Whitney: 00:30:54

It does. It does.

Jason: 00:30:58

Got all this turnover you've documented. You got a new person. What is a benefit of having said new person? You have a new person on the case. What is it? What's one of the.

Whitney: 00:31:09

Is this a trick question?

Jason: 00:31:10

No. What's one of the positives that can happen?

Whitney: 00:31:12

You get to meet new people and make new friends.

Jason: 00:31:14

You get new people. You have a fresh set of eyes. On the case. Right. When the case is old and stagnant and it feels like nothing's going on. A new set of eyes and some.

Whitney: 00:31:25

New motivations, some renewed energy.

Jason: 00:31:27

Renewed energy. It can be a positive.

Whitney: 00:31:29

Yes. I mean, I can think of. I immediately think of our former foster child and that her biological mom is very. A very challenging person.

And I witnessed with my own eyes through the course of the case, the fcm, through the caseworker, through dcs, getting very, very, very weary, worn out over the nonsense. Right. And at one point she said, I have two. I have way bigger fish to fry than to worry about this.

And she pretty much like, just kind of like, was like, I'm done with it. I'll pass all my concerns on to the DCS lawyer. I'm not touching this case anymore. I'm over it.

Jason: 00:32:11

Yeah.

Whitney: 00:32:11

That's not child first.

Jason: 00:32:13

That's not child first.

Whitney: 00:32:14

She kind of gave up and washed her hands.

Jason: 00:32:15

I mean, she was burnt. Like, I understand why she was so focused on the.

Whitney: 00:32:18

They needed to take her off the case and put someone else on. And I don't know if they since have. I kind of hope they have, but, you know, I can't do anything about that.

But, yes, a fresh perspective, fresh energy. Sometimes just that little bit of a change is a really good thing. Like, you know, when we feel burnout and then you don't. Very simple analogy.

But when you go on a walk and then you return, you're like, I.

Jason: 00:32:42

Got this I'm not sick of you.

Whitney: 00:32:43

People anymore parenting thing again for another hour or two. Right.

Jason: 00:32:46

Hold on. Another walk.

Whitney: 00:32:47

Yeah, but I mean, very simple comparison.

Jason: 00:32:50

Yes, but you can. That's why vacations are important. That's why time away is important.

Whitney: 00:32:54

Yes.

Jason: 00:32:56

So as your turnover happens in your foster care journey, don't let it burn you out, wear you down. It's exhaust. Don't get me wrong. It's exhaust. I'm not going to pretend like it's not exhausting. It's exhausting.

If you had good people and the good people never left, that would be perfect. Right?

Whitney: 00:33:12

Tamika. Boo. Moving across the country saying, I'm sick of this. We miss you. I mean, that was probably, what, six years ago? We still miss you.

Jason: 00:33:22

Yeah. Wow. So some biblical perspective on this. Remember, Jesus is the same today, yesterday, and forever.

Whitney: 00:33:32

Amen.

Jason: 00:33:34

So regardless of what happens with these kids, who's coming and going, this is hard for me to reconcile sometimes. Jesus loves these kids more than anybody else. And I know that's hard sometimes to swallow and understand but truth is truth.

Whitney: 00:33:53

And amongst everything that might change in the foster care system, the plans, the people, the supervisors, the workers, the actual direction of the case, we need to remember that Christ remains the same. Like you said, he's the same yesterday, today, and forever. And he is on the throne. He is aware of all of it. He is. None of it takes him by surprise.

Jason: 00:34:12

Our pastor is speaking, teaching through revelation. He talked about Revelation 6, the Four Horsemen. And the ultimate question was, what are you standing on? What is your trust on? What is your faith on?

What do you trust in?

Whitney: 00:34:27

Yeah, he said. I took notes on it. He said, you know, life has this crazy way of showing you what your foundation is.

You know, just through all the curveballs and unexpected things life throws at us and foster parents, y', all, for better or worse, we open ourselves up to a whole lot of those curve balls and unexpected situations, which is why we need that strong foundation.

Jason: 00:34:53

And that kid needs you to have that strong foundation because you might be the only consistent thing in that kid's life. Yeah, that little kid. I'm thinking of our little buddy right now, our little foster son. You know, he has stuff going on.

He's great overall, but, you know, whenever Whitney and I walk in somewhere, he'll look at us and give us a big fat kid smile every.

Whitney: 00:35:15

A big fat smile. You mean a big toothy grin?

Jason: 00:35:18

No, big fat good smile. He's not really toothy. He's getting some teeth, but it's more of like his whole face lights up and it's a good reminder. The kids are worth it.

Whitney: 00:35:29

Yes. Amen.

Jason: 00:35:31

For you to stay consistent and strong. The kids are worth it.

Whitney: 00:35:33

Yes, they are. All right, you guys, thank you for joining us for another episode of Dream Small. And until next time, keep Dreaming Small.

Speaker C: 00:35:44

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